First Day Back

It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

My appointment with Dr. Patel was scheduled for 10:55 this morning.  I usually like to get there and sign in at least 10 minutes before the appointment time (because all of my previous doctors have taken for…evvv…errrr and the earlier you sign in, the better).  But today we rolled in at 11:00.  The waiting room was packed.  I signed in and barely got a chance to sit down before the lab tech called me back.  She did her tests and samples, etc and even though I had not seen her before, she had read my file and knew that I had had a loss.  It wasn’t that she was overly sympathetic or even particularly emotional at all.  But she knew what was up and she was concerned.  Then, instead of taking me to “sub-waiting” (like on usual visits), she took us straight back to an exam room.  We were skipped to the front of the line for the second time.  Dr. Patel was there within a few minutes.  She started out by just talking with us, asking us how we were coping, reassuring us that we had made the right choice given our situation.  Then she talked about our options for trying again.  I was so happy when she brought up the Transabdominal Cerclage.  She said that she would write us a referral to a high risk OB surgeon indicating that I qualify as a TAC candidate.  I know that a lot of doctors are unaware of the procedure at all, let alone confident enough to suggest it to a patient.  I asked her if she would be comfortable being my OB MD throughout a possible TAC pregnancy.  She insisted absolutely.  I told her that if we decided to move forward we would see her + someone within the local high risk group that we went to last time, but that we would like to get the cerclage placed by someone who is an expert at the procedure.  The 2 top guys in the country are Dr. Haney (Chicago) and Dr. Davis (NJ).  These are the Cadillacs of Transabdominal Cerclage and almost never fail.  Hopefully, one of them would be within my insurance network… if not, I could probably make a good enough case to justify it to them and maybe they’d make an exception.  Anyway, she would be my primary and she would deliver the baby.  She said that after recovery, there is no right or wrong time to TTC as long as we are emotionally ready – she would give me a referral to high-risk for a preconception appointment whenever I wanted.  She gave me a pelvic and said that my cervix had healed, but my uterus wasn’t done shrinking so I should still take it a little easy.  She prescribed new BC and sent us on our way.

And then, after taking a Xanax, I went to work… When I walked into the cafeteria there were only a few clusters of people.  Of them, only a few were knew me well enough to recognize and greet me.  A few girls from digital and a few from pre-press.  There was also the big boss and the HR people.  Everybody was really nice and nobody said anything stupid… yet. It’s a matter of time.  I spent about a half hour in my supervisor’s office getting welcomed back/updated on current projects.  I rearranged my workspace and my desktop and then we had a meeting.  My supervisor told us she would be out all next week and gave us some assignments.  I was just finishing my first book when I realized that it was 3:57 – almost time to go already.  ((*phew))  Throughout the day, in the hallways, I got a few hugs and a few “you’ve been in my prayers” and some “where have you been?”  Uhhh – “Out… but I’m back. (*smile)”  I think it’s almost worse for Tim.  He works at a bigger place with more people and the news hasn’t really spread yet.  He says at least 2 people a day come up to him and ask “How’s the baby?”

I got off work and ran some errands, paid 4 bills and packed the kids off to be with their mom for 2 weeks.  Tim & I had nice dinner with some old friends, drank some wine and watched TV.  The world is still out there & I might be able to pull off this “normal” facade for a while longer if I keep having OK days like this.

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